After getting through January 28 2011 witnessing this kind of violence myself, I learned the real meaning of traumatic psychological issues and how our brains might block some memories to keep us alive. I learned the difference between watching a war on TV and being in one. Believing in human rights is not as easy as I thought, being interested in politics was not as interesting as it looked like for me a couple of years ago.
Now, I don’t know how someone can party or have fun while knowing that there are people suffering at the same moment and they don’t have any kind of help from anyone! I learned that we need to have fun and go crazy once in a while to be more productive, I know how to have fun really well; but now, there is this little part in me that feels guilty when having fun knowing that not far from where I am there are people out there having some serious shit going on.
From the excessive shit we watch on TV or read on the news everyday we became somehow resistant to feeling sad for people suffering from war or oppression. It became normal now to watch people getting murdered or tortured while sipping coffee in the morning then continue our day to work, hangout and come back home to sleep. It became a part of our daily routine to hear of how many got killed or jailed just because they were asking for their freedom, don’t we know how is it like to lose someone?
When I think of dying myself I just think of all the stories that I have postponed as I think it is not the time yet to tell, I think of all the people who care about me, I think of the people depending on me or expecting me to do something for them, all the plans for my future, all my dreams for a better world they might all go in a split of a second .. I guess that it is the same for any human being to think about that, if this is the case with all human beings then why did we stop caring about all those thousands getting killed in protests or terrorists’ attacks everyday?
Sometimes I intentionally write stupid random stuff or even tweet random lyrics, enjoy my time and treat myself too much just to force myself out of the mood that gets to me when reading any piece of news .. It is as if the news were written to kill us from depression instead of keeping us informed of what is going on in the world! It is as if we got used to look at martyrs as numbers instead of souls that we lost, human beings who might have accomplished a lot but weren’t given the chance.
I will keep writing, keep doing whatever I can and at the same time I will still go crazy and party ’cause I don’t think that I can manage keeping up with all that 24 hours of everyday .. I’m just human being!
Human rights or politics were never my profession and will never be. I write/talk as a human being .. It is as simple as that!