Years without the slightest change

I’ve stopped blogging for almost 6 months for many reasons. Had a pretty stressful time working, studying and travelling besides going through a pretty terrible depression that made me end up receiving treatment for PTSD. Unfortunately, one can’t keep his sanity following the news from Egypt. Just like yesterday, 2 years ago , I went through one of the worst days ever. I wrote about it here and here. Every time I think to myself that I got over it, I find that I didn’t. Every time I hear about a sexual assault, the pictures start running through my mind as if I’m there. 

What happened during the past days in Egypt is just beyond my abilities to comprehend. Sexual assaults started again with more videos and testimonies coming out of Tahrir square but this time, not only they were full of screams, blood and naked bodies but we reached a point were a TV presenter Maha Bahnasy got the effrontery to say “The boys are celebrating” commenting on the ongoing sexual assaults in Tahrir sq.! I really cannot find words to describe this piece of shit!

When the TV that broadcasts for millions of viewers makes up excuses for sexual assaults then, I don’t know how on earth can they call this a country. 

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Finally watched “The Square”

Finally watched “The Square”. Finally I saw the burden that I’m living with everyday in front of my eyes. The burden that I’ve been living with for years but denying it’s existence. I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels like that, this mix of nostalgia, sadness and hope. I have to say, as much as I sobbed during that movie as much as I got filled with hope and remembered all those times when I felt there was no way and a way was created sooner than my expectations. The people will never stop taking everyone by surprise and specially those who think themselves high up above justice, those who think of themselves as unreachable will be the first in line when the people start running out of patience.

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Just another rant

People my age have witnessed more funerals then weddings, is this normal? People who were educated and expected to have a bright future ended up running from a police station to the next searching for their friends if they weren’t arrested themselves, was this expected? Thousands upon thousands of teenagers and youth in their twenties living with traumas from what they have witnessed and still waking up everyday in denial to be able to continue the struggle, how can this be OK.

I’m tired of looking back and asking myself where have we drifted to take this weird road and why. I don’t care anymore. All what I care about is how will everyone survive, how are we going to proceed. The military created a new whole level of oppression and raised the bar so high that I can’t do anything but stand silent in awe and ask myself, how can this be real?

A mother calling the police to report her son for “protesting with the opposition” and stand as a witness against him, how can this be real? A large part of the aids Egypt received from the UAE went to Washington to create some propaganda to aid the military by showing how Egypt became better after ousting Morsi. Ironically enough, the crew that went to Egypt got arrested!

Well, we’ve been through that before, we’ve been through a lot of rough times. They weren’t as tough, but I’m sure we will get out of this. Do we have any other options? During the beginning of the SCAF rule we couldn’t mention any violations and everyone thought it will take a long time to change but that didn’t take more than 6 months. I’m sure the people will wake up soon from this euphoria and only then we’ll be having some serious talk.


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And here we go with the protesting law!

The new protests law came into action to strike again in the most devastating way. Today, 7 activists from Alexandria were sentenced to 2 years in prison in addition to paying 50,000 LE each! (Aprox. $6600) in fines. All what they did was protest in front of Alexandria’s criminal court during the retrial of the murderers of Khaled Said.

The murderers who caught the young guy and beaten him up till he died received a 7 years sentence and apparently they though it was a harsh sentence and now they are going on a retrial while Lawyer, activist and one of the few angels left in Egypt, Mahienour El-Massry along with Hassan Mustafa and five others received 2 years in prison and such an insane amount of money to pay just for protesting. For anything’s sake, how is that fair?

Mahienour is a dear friend of mine and I owe her a lot, a lot more than I can think of. She is the kindest person I have ever met in my life. I just can’t write nor talk about how an amazing person she is cause I will never be able to describe it. Anyone who knows her will fall speechless when describing her. FUCK THIS NEW LAW!

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My only resolution

Another year passed. 2013 for me was a special year, if I may describe it I’ll have to say that it was truly an emotional roller-coaster. Not that there were no reasons behind the ups and downs in my life this year but sometimes it is just the way it is.

I came back to Sweden in Mid-January after making an awesome trip going to Lund, Copenhagen, Brussels, Amsterdam, Cairo, Warsaw, Poznan and spending the new year’s eve in Berlin. Came back to Stockholm with lots of hope anticipating the admission results to get in KTH and finish my masters degree. Waiting was the hardest thing ever since I had no job and was struggling to find one. I applied for any possible thing I might be able to do.

Went through the dark winter with lots of ups and downs, making new friends and going to new places side by side with coping with suicidal thoughts that I had no control over and I can’t imagine how I could have gone through that without my friends, my real friends. In April, I got the answer from KTH that I got admitted and got a summer job at TeliaSonera. It was just a perfect summer ended by going to Cairo, unfortunately it was only for a week but it was worth it. My life literally changes every time I get to see my friends there.

Can’t say it was/is all rainbows and butterflies. 2013 has been really harsh, was way harder than the past years for many reasons that I can’t pinpoint. Now, looking forward to my birthday and going to Cairo in a few weeks to get some hope from my awesome friends over there. For all what I know, millions of people have seriously suffered during 2013 and even thinking of that and the situation of people fleeing Syria feels like a great burden that makes me feel helpless and hopeless.

The only resolution I decided to pursue is to try as much as possible to say no when I should. I have been wasting a lot of time and energy for years just because I have trouble saying no when needed. For 2014, I hope I won’t be doing that anymore. I’ll make “No” a regular norm for me. Don’t know how one can say no to sex when feeling not in the mood for example, but, that is something to look forward to discover during 2014.

I really don’t like using “wishes” and I usually use “hope” instead. I’ve learned that wishing is supposed to be for the impossible and I love to make myself believe that anything is possible. For 2014, I hope the current wars end and I hope no more bloodbaths take place. I just hope for a year full of peace. Happy new year people 🙂

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Egypt is about to witness another stupid “gay” film

Lots of activists, journalists and movie critics couldn’t stop writing about Hani Fawzi’s new movie “Family Secrets” which claims to address homosexuality in Egypt. The organization responsible for films’ censorship in Egypt demaded that thirteen scenes be cut from the film which brought more attention to the film before the release.

Here is why it is NOT a “gay film” as claimed here as well as in many other newspapers.

1- The film addresses “the problem” of homosexuality.

2- The film promotes the idea that homosexuality is a consequence of an absent father and child molestation not just a sexual orientation.

3- The film promotes the idea of a cure to homosexuality.

How on earth does that classify it to be categorized under “LGBT films”?

The film “The Yacoubian Building” for Alaa ElAswany before it drove Egypt mad because of having a gay character in the film, putting into consideration that of course the gay character was molested as a child and was murdered in the end of the film as a consequence to his homosexuality.

Since it was yet another kind of a propaganda preceding the release of the film just like all Hani Fawzi’s previous films. All of his films were preceded by problems with censorship then tons of articles etc..

Enough said!

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Alaa Abdelfattah arrested, again.

On this same month 2 years ago, I wrote many times about Alaa’s arrest after the Maspero Massacre. A lot of activists were arrested the other day in a protest against military trials for civilians and the new protests law. The guys were beaten up and humiliated while the girls were sexually harassed and left in the desert later by the police forces. Some of the best people I have ever known were among the detainees, Amr Adel, Salma Said, Nazly Hussein, Mona Seif and many many others.

Alaa Abelfattah knew from TV (As usual) that he was summoned for an investigation regarding the incident. He sent a telegraph saying that he will go by himself to the prosecutor’s office on Saturday despite of never receiving any official papers confirming that.

A couple of hours ago, he was arrested from home and his wife was beaten up according to Sanaa, his sister.

Alaa was arrested many times before unjustly, he missed his son’s birth for being in prison during the SCAF’s rule in 2011 while it was crystal clear that he was innocent.

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